Beyond Valentine's Day: When Love Needs More Than Roses
Introducing Our Marriage & Family Therapy Intern – A Trauma-Informed Approach to Relationship Healing
By Jen Bennethum, LCSW, Mental Health Trauma Therapist
The chocolate boxes are half-empty. The roses are starting to wilt. And maybe, just maybe, you're sitting with feelings that Valentine's Day illuminated rather than resolved. If February 14th left you wondering about the state of your relationship, you're not alone. The week after Valentine's Day consistently sees more couples seeking therapy than almost any other time of year.
"The need for love and intimacy is a basic human need, as basic as the need for food, water, and air." – Dean Ornish
Why Valentine's Day Reveals What's Already There
Valentine's Day doesn't break relationships – it simply holds up a mirror. The pressure to perform romance, to meet expectations, to feel what we're "supposed" to feel can illuminate the authentic state of our connections. When that revelation feels uncomfortable, it's actually an invitation to deeper work.
At our practice, we understand that relationship struggles often stem from deeper roots. Trauma patterns, attachment wounds, and unspoken needs don't disappear just because Hallmark says it's time to celebrate love. In fact, these tender spots often become more visible when we're trying hardest to connect.
Meet Stacie: Where Hope Meets Expertise
We're delighted to introduce Stacie, our Marriage & Family Therapy intern, who brings a refreshing perspective to trauma-informed couples counseling. When asked about her therapeutic superpower, Stacie's answer revealed the heart of her approach: "I 100% believe that anyone can change. With positive results in mind, I believe that anything is possible with clients, no matter the trauma, pain, and brokenness."
This isn't naive optimism – it's informed hope. As Stacie explains, "Trauma significantly influences attachment patterns, as these patterns are frequently a direct consequence of past traumatic events." Her training recognizes that understanding how past wounds shape present relationships helps partners move from blame to curiosity, from stuck patterns to new possibilities.
A Different Kind of Couples Therapy
According to Stacie, "Individuals often seek couples counseling hoping the therapist will side with them to ensure their individual needs are met." But her approach transcends the typical "referee" model of couples work. As she clarifies, "While addressing each partner's needs is crucial, the primary role of a couples counselor is to advocate for the couple as a cohesive unit, rather than taking sides."
This philosophy aligns perfectly with our practice's holistic, somatic approach to healing. Just as EMDR therapy helps individuals process trauma by engaging the whole self – body, mind, and nervous system – effective couples therapy must engage the relationship as a living system, not just two individuals with competing needs.
When Partners Hold Different Truths
Perhaps nowhere is the trauma-informed lens more vital than when partners experience the same events completely differently. Stacie shares a powerful framework from William James: "Whenever two people meet, there are really six people present. There is each man as he sees himself, each man as the other person sees him, and each man as he really is."
Stacie elaborates on how she works with this multiplicity: "By exploring all available 'truths' and holding space for each individual's perspective, we can help partners see how they are perceived by the other. This process is often the key to fostering deeper understanding and appreciation in a relationship." This somatic awareness – noticing how different truths live in the body – opens doorways to empathy that cognitive understanding alone cannot reach.
Beyond the Fairy Tale: Real Love in Complex Times
When asked about cultural representations of relationships, Stacie chose "Marriage Story" – a film that refuses easy answers. "Though the characters don't end up happily married," Stacie reflects, "the story highlights two individuals working together to care for one another despite their differences. I believe the journey of building love and mutual respect can be one of the most beautiful human experiences to witness, regardless of the final result."
This nuanced view suggests a therapist who can hold space for all outcomes, not just the fairy tale ending. Research from The Gottman Institute shows that even happy couples have approximately 69% of their conflicts that are perpetual – unsolvable differences that must be managed with understanding rather than eliminated. Our practice's approach to relationship healing recognizes that working with these differences, rather than against them, creates resilient partnerships.
The Body Keeps the Score – Even in Love
Stacie's integration into our practice brings fresh energy to our somatic approach to couples therapy. When describing how she manages her own reactions during intense sessions, Stacie demonstrates the body-awareness we cultivate: "A simple phrase I can remind myself mid-session is that the situation I am counseling is not the same as something I have experienced. That simple reminder helps me be able to continue to avoid taking sides and helps me to be more curious to the story in front of me as opposed to filling in gaps with my personal experiences."
This mindful differentiation between past and present – a cornerstone of trauma-informed therapy helps both therapist and clients stay grounded in the here-and-now of their relationship, rather than unconsciously recreating old wounds.
A Unique Perspective on Connection
What drew Stacie specifically to couples and family work? As she explains, "Although I value and recognize the importance of individual therapy, relationship dynamics have always particularly captivated me. Sitting with a couple or a family in a counseling setting offers a distinct experience, as it requires balancing multiple viewpoints while striving for a shared objective."
Stacie's passion for this complexity shines through as she continues: "The challenge lies in guiding everyone to agree on a common goal and teaching them how to communicate their needs, desires, and worries in a constructive manner." This isn't just about managing conflict – it's about witnessing transformation as families and couples learn new ways of being together.
When asked about her theoretical influences, Stacie immediately mentions the Gottmans, but with a refreshingly personal twist: "While their theory prompts several important questions, I would probably ask them something more personal along the lines of how they have seen their research play out in their own relationship!" This curiosity about how experts live their own teachings reveals a therapist who values authenticity over perfection.
An Invitation to Transform
As Stacie completes her clinical hours under expert supervision, she's accepting new couples at reduced rates. This creates a unique opportunity: you work with someone bringing the latest evidence-based training while being held within our practice's deeply trauma-informed framework.
Her enthusiasm for growth – both her own and her clients' – shines through every aspect of her work. From her gratitude journaling after difficult sessions to her genuine belief in transformation, Stacie embodies the holistic healing philosophy that defines our practice. As she shares, "Journaling is a beloved self-care practice, especially after a challenging session. I make it a point to write down at least three things I am thankful for."
Taking the Next Step
If Valentine's Day left you with more questions than answers, consider it a gift. The couples who thrive aren't those who never struggle – they're the ones who use their struggles as doorways to deeper understanding. With Stacie's fresh perspective, evidence-based training, and genuine belief in possibility, you have an advocate who sees beyond your current struggles to your potential for growth.
When asked what excites her most about joining our practice, Stacie emphasized our trauma-informed approach: "A major attraction to Integrate is its commitment to being trauma-informed, an area where I am eager to expand my skills." This alignment means you're not just getting a therapist – you're accessing our entire team's collective wisdom and support.
Ready to move beyond roses and into real relationship work? Contact us today to schedule your initial consultation with Stacie. Because your relationship story deserves more than a single day of manufactured romance – it deserves the ongoing support to flourish authentically, complexities and all.
