Mother’s Day and Complicated Relationships: Holding Space for Mixed Emotions

By Jen Bennethum, LCSW, Mental Health Trauma Therapist

Why Mother’s Day Can Feel More Complicated Than Comforting

Mother’s Day is often presented as a soft, pastel‑colored celebration of gratitude, closeness, and uncomplicated love. But for many adults, this holiday brings a complex mix of emotions that don’t fit neatly into a greeting card. Grief, resentment, longing, guilt, numbness, tenderness, and confusion can all rise to the surface at once. The cultural script tells us to smile, honor, and appreciate. The body, however, may be telling a very different story.

For those who grew up with emotional inconsistency, boundary violations, neglect, enmeshment, or unresolved trauma, Mother’s Day can activate old wounds that feel surprisingly fresh. Even people who have loving relationships with their mothers may feel pressure, obligation, or the weight of unspoken expectations. And for those who have lost a mother, are estranged, or are navigating infertility or pregnancy loss, the day can feel like a spotlight on absence.

Mother’s Day is not a universal experience. It is a deeply personal one. And it deserves a trauma‑informed understanding that honors the full emotional landscape—not just the parts that feel easy.

“It’s possible to hold love and pain in the same breath. Both are real, and both deserve space.” -Integrate Therapy and Wellness Collective.

Naming the Emotions We’re Told Not to Have

Many adults carry a quiet, lifelong tension around their relationship with their mother. They may feel love and resentment at the same time. They may feel gratitude and grief. They may feel longing for a relationship that never fully formed, or guilt for wanting distance from one that feels overwhelming. These emotions are not contradictions. They are evidence of a nervous system trying to make sense of early attachment patterns that shaped how safety, connection, and identity were formed.

Grief may arise for the mother you had, the mother you lost, or the mother you needed but never received.
Resentment may surface when old patterns of emotional labor or caretaking feel activated.
Longing may appear as a quiet ache for closeness that still feels out of reach.
Guilt may show up when you choose boundaries that protect your well‑being but challenge family expectations.

These emotions are not wrong. They are not signs of disloyalty or ingratitude. They are signs of being human. They are signs of a nervous system remembering, processing, and trying to protect you.

The American Psychological Association offers helpful insight into how early attachment and family dynamics shape adult emotional patterns: https://www.apa.org/topics/parenting/parental-relationships.

A Trauma‑Informed Lens for Adult Children

A trauma‑informed approach recognizes that Mother’s Day can activate the body before the mind has time to interpret what’s happening. You may notice tension in your chest, irritability, heaviness, or a sense of emotional fog. These sensations are not overreactions. They are nervous system responses shaped by years of learning what was safe, what was not, and what was required of you in order to belong.

For adult children who grew up in homes where emotional needs were minimized, dismissed, or punished, Mother’s Day can feel like a test you didn’t study for. You may feel pressure to perform closeness, gratitude, or affection even when your body is signaling discomfort. You may feel pulled back into old roles—peacemaker, caretaker, emotional buffer, or the child who never needed anything.

A trauma‑informed perspective invites you to honor your internal experience rather than override it. It invites you to notice what your body is communicating. It invites you to step out of survival patterns and into self‑attunement.

For those exploring deeper healing around attachment wounds, EMDR therapy can help process the emotional imprints left by early relationships. You can learn more about how EMDR supports this work on our EMDR Therapy page.

Holding Space for Yourself When the Day Feels Heavy

Mother’s Day can bring up memories you didn’t expect, emotions you thought you had already worked through, or sensations that feel confusing. Holding space for yourself means allowing your experience to exist without judgment. It means acknowledging that your emotions are valid even if they don’t match the cultural narrative.

You might notice a desire to withdraw, to stay quiet, or to avoid the day altogether. You might feel the opposite—a desire to reach out, reconnect, or repair. You might feel nothing at all, which is also a form of protection. Your body is doing what it knows to do.

Somatic practices can help you stay grounded during emotional spikes. Placing a hand on your heart or your belly. Feeling your feet on the floor. Taking a slow breath and letting your exhale be longer than your inhale. These small gestures remind your nervous system that you are safe in the present moment, even if old memories are stirring.

For additional grounding tools, you can explore our Internal Blog that touches on somatic healing.

Setting Boundaries Around Holidays Without Shame

Boundaries around Mother’s Day are not acts of rejection. They are acts of self‑respect. They are ways of honoring your emotional capacity, your history, and your healing.

You are allowed to choose what level of contact feels right for you. You are allowed to decline gatherings that feel overwhelming. You are allowed to send a simple message instead of a long visit. You are allowed to create new rituals that feel more aligned with your emotional truth. You are allowed to protect your peace.

A boundary is not a wall. It is a doorway that clarifies what is possible in the relationship without sacrificing your well‑being. It is a way of saying, “I can stay connected, but not at the cost of myself.”

The National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI) offers helpful guidance on navigating emotionally complex family dynamics: https://www.nami.org.

After the Holiday: What Your Emotions Are Trying to Tell You

Once the intensity of Mother’s Day passes, many people feel an emotional crash. The body finally has space to process what it held together. You may feel tired, tender, relieved, or unexpectedly sad. This is normal. This is your nervous system integrating.

This is also a meaningful time to reflect on what came up for you. What felt activating. What felt grounding. What felt like a boundary you honored—or wished you had. These reflections are not about blame. They are about understanding your emotional landscape with compassion.

If you feel ready to explore these patterns more deeply, you can reach out through our Contact Page to begin or continue your healing work.

Honoring Your Experience, Whatever It Is

Mother’s Day does not require you to feel one specific way. It does not require you to perform closeness or gratitude. It does not require you to ignore your history. Your experience is valid, whether it is joyful, painful, complicated, or quiet.

You are allowed to hold mixed emotions. You are allowed to honor your story. You are allowed to choose what healing looks like for you.

For additional education on trauma, the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA) provides a comprehensive overview of trauma and its impact: https://www.samhsa.gov/trauma-violence