Why Self-Care Matters During the Holidays
By Jen Bennethum
The holidays can be a pressure cooker for mental health, so prioritizing self-care is not optional—it’s essential for staying grounded, connected, and resilient. This post explains why people often skip self-care and offers unexpected ways to protect your wellbeing during the season.
Picture the holidays as a stage where everyone is expected to perform: the host who cooks for twenty, the parent who wraps gifts late into the night, the friend who attends every gathering with a smile. Beneath the sparkle, there’s often exhaustion. Self-care is the quiet act of stepping off that stage for a moment. It’s not about being selfish—it’s about preserving your energy so you can actually enjoy the moments that matter instead of just surviving them.
Why People Skip Self-Care
Many people skip self-care because the holidays carry an unspoken rule: you must keep giving, no matter the cost. A mother might stay up until 2 a.m. baking cookies for a school party, even though she’s drained. A caregiver might push through fatigue to decorate the house, believing it’s their duty to keep traditions alive. Others avoid self-care because slowing down means facing uncomfortable emotions—grief for someone missing at the table, loneliness in the middle of crowded rooms, or tension with family members.
There’s also the perfection trap. Social media shows flawless trees and smiling families, and people feel they must match that image. Rest feels like failure when comparison is constant. Guilt whispers that saying no to one invitation means disappointing someone. Fear of judgment makes boundaries feel dangerous. And shame convinces people that needing rest means they’re weak. These emotional barriers are powerful, and they often override the rational knowledge that self-care is necessary.
The Hidden Emotional Barriers
Imagine someone sitting in their car outside a holiday party, taking a deep breath before walking in. They know they’re overwhelmed, but they push forward because they don’t want to be seen as antisocial. Or think of the person who spends money they don’t have on gifts, because they fear being judged as less generous. These moments reveal how guilt, fear, and shame keep people from practicing self-care. It’s not that they don’t know what they need—it’s that the emotional cost of choosing themselves feels too high.
Trauma-Informed Care and Bottom-Up Self-Care
For those carrying trauma, the holidays can stir up old wounds. Trauma-informed care reminds us that self-care isn’t just about managing stress—it’s about honoring the body’s signals and creating safety. A bottom-up approach to therapy and self-care means starting with the body rather than forcing the mind to “think positive.” This might look like grounding exercises before a family gathering, gentle movement to release tension, or mindful breathing when emotions rise. By calming the nervous system first, people create space for healthier choices and more authentic connection. Self-care becomes less about escaping stress and more about restoring balance from the inside out.
Unconventional Ways to Practice Self-Care
Self-care doesn’t have to be dramatic. It can be subtle, almost invisible. Someone might slip away from a noisy living room to sit quietly with a cup of tea. Another might decide to skip the big shopping trip and instead write heartfelt notes to loved ones. A person grieving might choose to honor their loss by lighting a candle rather than forcing themselves into celebration. Even saying no to one obligation can be a radical act of self-preservation that opens space for genuine joy.
These small acts don’t look like the stereotypical spa day, but they are powerful. They reclaim agency in a season that often feels dictated by others’ expectations.
Setting Boundaries and Managing Trade-Offs
Boundaries are uncomfortable, but they are protective. Declining an invitation may feel like a loss, but it often creates more meaningful presence in the moments you do choose. Simplifying traditions—like serving one favorite dish instead of a full spread—can reduce stress and allow for more connection. Practicing compassionate refusal, where you offer a kind explanation and an alternative, helps preserve relationships while honoring your limits. The trade-off of a quieter holiday is often more authentic joy.
Closing Thought
The holidays are not about perfection; they are about presence. Choosing self-care is not withdrawing from joy but making joy sustainable. By honoring your limits and values, you create space for authentic connection and protect your mental health. The most memorable holiday moments often come not from doing everything, but from being fully present in the things you choose. Please let us know at Integrate Therapy and Wellness Collective how we can help to walk beside you on your journey this holiday season to wholeness!
